A Little Bit Longer

This is it. The final day, the final hours of Bunny's first year. While I am excited for the days ahead, as I watch her sleep, I find a part of me wishing for just a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer holding, rocking, singing to, tickling, kissing, nursing, playing with, cleaning up after, soothing, changing, staying up all night with, bathing, and inhaling my baby.

I feel like I am reading a book about her life, and the first chapter is about to end. It can never be reread, only remembered. And I find myself asking, what will be remembered? I know that when she is grown, she will look back and have no memory of these days. Perhaps, she will have a knowing of the love she felt, or the bond we share. But what will be remembered?

I will remember the first time I saw her face, everything else in the room in now a blur. Tiny and perfect with a squashed little nose, pouty lips, and her daddy's ears. I will remember how she smelled, and how, when I said, "Baby, don't cry." she stopped and looked at me with her dark blue eyes. As if to say, "Oh, there you are. I was wondering where you had gone." I will remember all three of us lying down in our bed and sleeping all together for the first time. I will remember learning (and teaching at the same time) how to nurse. I will remember missing her when my grandma held her for 15 minutes (in the same room as me). I will remember wearing her close to me and breathing together.

I will remember that she made me strong and brought me out of any sadness with just the glimpse of a smile. I will remember the milestones. Sitting, scooting, crawling, cruising, her first steps, and so many others. I will remember struggles and how I learned from them. I will remember the firsts and the lasts. The first time she said Mama, the last time she wanted to be wrapped for her morning nap. I will remember and others around me will remember. And because we remember, we will re-tell this chapter to her many times.

As we turn the page and end this chapter, a new one starts. This is only the begining of her story. A story that promises to be great and full of adventure. After all, to live is a very great adventure.

I love you Bunny! Happy Birthday!