Joy

So... I should really cancel these email reminders of how many weeks pregnant I am... 12 weeks it says... 12 weeks... I was seven weeks when I first saw that tinge of pink that made me wonder if somthing was wrong... Seven weeks when I came down with the virus that would eventually end her little life... Eight weeks when I bled black... The color of death itself... Eight weeks when I labored for hours... When I delivered her tiny body into my hands... When I sat on the toilet and stared at my bloody feet while Mama checked everything to make sure it was all there... Eight weeks when I laid in bed moaning from the afterpains with no newborn baby to ease my heartache... Eight weeks... Tomorrow it will say 13 weeks... I really should cancel these reminders... But I won't... Not yet, anyway... Because even though It is hard sometimes... She is Joy... I love my little baby... I loved being pregnant for her... I loved being able to give birth to her at home... I love that I got to hold her... She (in my heart she is a she) will never have to feel pain or sadness... She is Joy... Pure Joy... Thank You God for giving her to me... Even if it was only for a short time... I love my life!